January 4, 2018 • Sarah Jean Gosney
Attractiveness is more than just appearance, and it goes beyond romantic applications. Attraction can be used not only to draw in a romantic partner, but also to enchant people in your daily life. When people are attracted to you, they want to spend time with you, work with you, or even go out of their way to help you. While physical beauty makes a first impression, our behavior and actions build a deeper sense of attraction.
Today I will focus on the actions a woman can take to develop attractive traits. There are countless books, magazines, and websites devoted to physical beauty, and I am confident that you can navigate those on your own. Instead, I will touch on behavior that can make you more appealing.
These days most of us have smart phones, and they are amazing in their ability to connect us to far-flung places and to manage our lives. But they also pull us away from the physical world and can become a crutch or even an addiction. Put away your phone at mealtimes, in meetings, or when you are on a date. There may be awkward silences, but getting used to these will make you more comfortable in all social settings. Devoting your full attention to the people around you shows that you respect them and are interested in them.
No one likes a bore, and if you spend all your free time online, watching TV, or playing video games, you will become unbalanced. It doesn’t really matter what it is; baking and playing cello are mine. Many of my friends enjoy painting and knitting. Do something that gives you a good story to tell, an item of value to treasure or give away, or a skill you can share with someone else.
One habit of likeable people that I have observed is their ability to make those around them feel valued and special. Whether it is a new friend, the stranger serving you coffee, or your team at work, offer details of how they are positively contributing to your life or how they have a unique, desirable attribute that you have noticed.
We are all familiar with the old adage “a way to a man’s heart is through his stomach.” However, this wisdom can be applied to most people. For many people, a home-cooked meal is a rare thing, and even if not, it is a much appreciated gesture. If you make dinner for a man you are dating, bake cookies for the office, or invite friends over for a dinner party, you are sure to make a positive impression.
This one is common courtesy, but I find that many people lack that these days. If you are invited into someone’s home, make sure not to leave a trace. Bonus: clean up after others. Offer to wash the dishes if you are invited over for a cookout.
The tone of your voice often communicates much more than our words do. Pay attention to how you sound. Is your voice harsh and grating? Speak in a softer, perhaps even higher tone to be gentler on the ears. You can achieve the opposite effect with your voice as well. When I was a substitute teacher, I often would lower my register and use command voice to get the attention and cooperation of students who were ignoring me or misbehaving. It’s all about context. However, make sure you do not sound shrill; there is never a context in which this is a productive tone.
More flies are caught with honey than vinegar. A stereotype of an unpleasant woman is the nag. Don’t become one. But things still need to get done, and you still will need help from time to time, right? Using your wonderfully moderated voice, ask for help or tasks to be done in a lighthearted manner. Even if you are feeling frustrated, you will entice others to work with and for you much more with a pleasant “I’d really appreciate it if you took out the trash” compared to an accusing “Why haven’t you taken the trash out yet?” In a relationship, you can even playfully pull the “I need a big strong man” card. Sometimes I genuinely cannot open the pickle jar, and jokingly playing the damsel in distress always gets a chuckle–and results.
Our behavior is a reflection of who we are, and often times we make a bad impression without realizing it. Understanding how others perceive us can go a long way toward allowing us to cooperate with them. Use an attractive demeanor to create mutually beneficial interactions in your life.
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